Peru para
Humour, Short stories

The day that Peru para

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“Welcome to Peru, Leroi” Aysel, my beautiful Peruvian girlfriend said to me with a warm hug.
“Thank you, I am glad to be here”
“So where did you fly in from?” She inquired.
“ I just flew in from Miami!”
“Wow, before I take you to your hotel, let’s take a quick stroll down this street in Lima the capital of Peru” She said.
“Okay, I hope you will show me the Lost city of Machu Picchu. By the way, what language do you people speak here?” I questioned, gazing around.
“Nosotras hablamos español” She replied.
“I don’t understand!”
She laughed, revealing a perfect set of white teeth.
“I just said, ‘we speak Spanish here”
“Cool, I think I will like it here” I exclaimed as I walked down the busy street with tall buildings with medieval age-like architecture on either side.
The people walked past me in colourful attires, they looked happy and contented.
“Leroi, you need to try out Cerviche, I’ll buy you a plate,” Aysel said.
“What is Cerviche?”
“It is Peru’s most popular food. Its Peruvian sushi, basically consists of raw fish marinated in lime juice, chilies, and onions.”
“Sounds yummy” I said.
Prang!
My phone suddenly rang.
I gazed at the Caller ID.
“Dj Cuppy.
“Hi, Cuppy, what’s up?” I inquired.
“Where are you? I have been waiting for you all day here at Oxford University! You are supposed to help me write this assignment. Prof Hesley will be asking for it tomorrow morning!”
“Won ni wan wa mi, I am in San Francisco jamming” I replied to her.
“Why? How can you be in San Francisco now?! Get on the private jet and come to Oxford immediately!”
I cut the call.
“Who was that lady?” Aysel asked with a tinge of jealousy in her voice.
“Oh, that was Florence Otedola o, a fine girl, she says she likes me but it’s you that I want”
“She’d better stay off!” Aysel exclaimed with a frown.
“Do you know why I like you Aysel?” I asked her, taking up her arms in mine and smiling.
“Tell me”
“I like you because of your hair! I want to harvest your hair and that of your female friends, Peruvian hair is expensive in Nigeria. Your hair collection will make me a multi-millionaire”
Aysel laughed, “You must be kidding me! Do people wear Peruvian hair in Nigeria?”
“Yes dear”
“Interesting!”
Boom!
A man suddenly shoved me from behind.
I turned around, “What’s wrong with you?”
“¡Deja a mi novia en paz!” He yelled.
“Oh, Leroi, this is my Peruvian boyfriend, he is an alcoholic, he is saying you should leave me alone” Aysel explained.
“No way!” I exclaimed and shouted at the man, “Do you know who I am?”
He landed a blow on me.
I hit him back.
“¡Me ocuparé de ti hoy!” He shouted and gave me a vicious ki.ck.
I landed on the floor.
Aysel had disappeared.
I stood up and charged after him with clenched fists.
Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by an angry mob of Peruvians yelling in Spanish at me.
I turned around and took to my heels
🏃
🏃
🏃
The crowd chased after me
🏃
🏃
🏃
The whole of Peru was after me!
Peru para!
As I ran, the lyrics of a song raced through my head…
Peru…Para
Peru…Para
Even Peru don dey Para….

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