the 2023 elections in Nigeria
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How to win the 2023 elections in Nigeria using the Corn eating strategy

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It is corn eating season already and people are munching on corn cobs everywhere. Similarly, 2023, the year of general elections in Nigeria is getting closer every day and plans for electoral victory are being hatched by interested parties.

You want to be elected by the people into that lucrative public office, don’t you? You want to stand in front of the teeming crowd in the stadium, holding the Holy book in your hand and taking the oath of office, swearing to loot as much as you can within the shortest possible time be a servant of the people and bring peace, prosperity and development throughout your first term in office, don’t you?

But you have a problem, the people do not know you, neither do they trust you. This is mainly because you are far off from them, you are rich and do not mingle with them. But you need their votes and support, you need them to start talking about you and sharing your pictures everywhere.

To get this popularity, you have to start eating corn, maize, ube, abakppa, or whatever name you call it.

For curious reasons, the masses equate eating corn to humility, simplicity and good character, and as a result, would reward any corn eater seeking elective office with their votes.

the 2023 elections in nigeria

So select a day to hit the streets in search of corn. It must be a sunny day with clear skies for bright pictures. Put on a casual outfit: a polo and jean would do and walk towards any corn roaster/seller by the roadside and stare at the corn on the grill with a smiley face. You must ensure your camera crew are surrounding you to document your simplicity and the humanitarian act of eating corn. Remember, you are putting up a show to win the 2023 elections in Nigeria.

Note that the corn seller has to be female. The more haggard-looking the corn seller is, the better for you as you would win the hearts of the masses by associating with her. If you can find a corn seller with a baby, then excellent! Take the baby from her and hold the baby in your arms. Smile affectionately at it and sing to it while your camera crew click away.

You can go further by taking over the roasting from the woman. Sit on the stool if any or stand beside the grill and cradle the baby with your left arm while you turn over the cobs on the wire mesh. Blow air on the firewood and cough as the smoke and dust enters your eyes and nostrils… That’s it, you are suffering alongside the masses, you feel their pain and they will vote for you.

Ensure you take enough photos with the corn cob in your mouth and ensure that the photos are quickly shared on social media with the caption:

Happening now: Hon Judas hanging out with his people in the streets

The corn might be tasteless to you. It might even be too strong and cause stomach upset because your body isn’t used to such a diet but overcome the urge to spit it out! Spiting it out on the spot will make you lose all goodwill that you have gathered from the masses. Wait until you get home before you take an enema to flush out the remnants of the corn.

Before you leave the scene, ensure that you give the corn seller an amount of money that is at least ten times the cost of the corn cobs. Snap a photo with the wad of cash you are handing over to her. You can even announce a scholarship offer for her baby from the primary school level to university level and forgot all about it as soon you leave the scene.

With your pictures circulating all over social media, TV and newspapers, conversations will be building around you. You are becoming popular and on your way to winning the 2023 elections in Nigeria.

Congratulations!

Iniobong Leroi Umoh is a storyteller, a satirist and creative writer. He blurs the line between reality and fiction and seeks to create a connection with the reader through engaging content. His works have been featured across various online and offline platforms. He hopes to one day travel around the world on a luxury yacht, sipping expensive wine and documenting all his experiences in a journal. You can send him a mail at infoleric@gmail.com.

2 Replies to How to win the 2023 elections in Nigeria using the Corn eating strategy

  1. Corn men.

    Some of them are con men.

    This is to them, a shorter way to 2023 Politricking.

    We know better now, even though our new knowledge will do little.

    Beautiful article.

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