kayan mata business
Satires

How to make money from Kayan mata business in Nigeria

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The most risk free business one can do nowadays in Nigeria is the Kayan mata business. Yes, the sales of sex enhancing products and “jazz” is free from risk. There is a huge demand for such products.

You can package anything and sell. You can casually cut the grass on the field in front of your house, put it inside a bottle of water, package it and sell it to as many suckers as possible as solution to their sexual woes.

While many products vendors keep being called out everyday, I have never seen any kayan mata seller being called out on social media for selling fake products.

Think of it, who will want to admit in public that he bought a product to help him enlarge his dick or even stop premature ejaculation?

If any man makes such post, people will be like, “Oh, so you have a small dick? No wonder! And you are a 2 mins man? Ehyaaa, sorry o”

They will pity him because in Nigeria/Africa a real man is supposed to be hung like a horse and stay on top of a woman for a minimum of one hour.

If a vendor packages candle to a female client instead of dildo that she requested for, can the lady come out in public to complain? If she goes to the police station to lay a complaint and get the vendor arrested, the police will be like….

“Whaaaaat! You bought a dildo!? You don’t even have the fear of God! Ashawooo! You are under arrest!!”

Imagine if a case of a dick enlargement gone wrong goes to court, the lawyers will have a field day.

“My Lord, my client’s cream was effective, the plaintiff dick was 3 inches long before he bought the enlargement cream. After a week of using the cream, his dick extended to 7 inches. To prove this my lord, I seek your permission to ask the plaintiff to remove his dick and let me measure the size with this tape in my hand”.

The plaintiff’s lawyer will jump up, “Objection my Lord! The defendant’s counsel is out of his mind, there’s no way the true size of my client’s shakabula can be ascertained when he is not sexually aroused”

The other lawyer will reply,

“My lord we came prepared, we have a super sexy lady here in the court who will proceed to arouse the plaintiff so that we can ascertain the true size of his dick”

The judge will burst out laughing, “Proceed!” 😁

So because of the discreet nature of the business and moral code of the society, no body will publicly call out a kayan mata vendor for selling ineffective products.

So go into the business, package anything you see and sell, you will make money because sex sells and there are enough suckers that will buy anything.

Now let me go and bath with my attraction soap, that fine young lady with three cars in my street must fall in love with me today. I didn’t come to this Abuja to play!

Iniobong Leroi Umoh is a storyteller, a satirist and creative writer. He blurs the line between reality and fiction and seeks to create a connection with the reader through engaging content. His works have been featured across various online and offline platforms. He hopes to one day travel around the world on a luxury yacht, sipping expensive wine and documenting all his experiences in a journal. You can send him a mail at infoleric@gmail.com.

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