shakara oloje
Humour, Trending

Felabration: Why are you doing Shakara oloje for me?

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Akin hurried to the bus stop, it was almost getting dark. He didn’t want to miss the last bus home. It had been a hectic day at work at his office in Surulere.

The bus stop was crowded with anxious-looking passengers waiting to board the vehicle home.

The bus soon arrived and the waiting passengers rushed towards the vehicle. Akin jumped to a seat in the front.

At the same time, a man jumped into the same seat and they both collided.

“Stand up! Do you know me? Do you know that I can beat you if you don’t leave this seat right now?” The hefty looking man thundered.

“Wetin you fit do? Try am now and see wetin I go do you!” Akin retorted.

“I go beat you now!”

“Beat me let me see!”

“I go beat you o!”

“Beat me let me see!”

“I go beat you!”

You see we get the shakara man, shakara man him go say, “I go beat you, I go nearly kill you!” Na shakara!

“I go beat you, go be like say you get accident” Na shakara!

“You no know me” Na shakara!

“Wait make I comot my dress” Na shakara!

You see, him no fit do nothing, na shakara oloje!

After letting out a volley of abuses and threats, the man hefty man walked away from the scene while Akin and the other passengers jeered at him.

Akin got off the bus at the junction and headed to the street where he lived. Along the way, he sighted a pretty young lady on a skimpy top and mini skirt walking on the other side of the road. She had long beautiful legs. She moved slowly, walking as though she was doing the ground a favour by stepping on it. Akin crossed the road and moved over to her.

(felabration)

“Excuse me, hello fine girl…I like you o”

She turned around and looked at him, sizing him up and down. She hissed and continued walking.

“What’s your name? I want to get to know you better”

She began catwalking.

“Please answer me beautiful girl” Akin pleaded.

You see shakara woman eh, tell her say, “My dear I like you”

She go say, “You likey who? Who you like?”

Comot jare, hmmm…look at this man

Wey you come from sef?

No be you and me o, no touch me o”

Ah, you see, she wan do but na shakara!

Shakara oloje!

Akin persisted, “Come on dear, why you no wan answer fine boy like me? I am just back from work. I have money o. Give me your phone number, let’s hang out tonight”

The lady paused and turned to him. She smiled, “take me to that joint over there and I will give you my phone number”

“Ehen, it is now that you are talking!” Akin replied with a cheesy smile.

***********

Lesson: Don’t take things and people at face value, dig deeper.

Iniobong Leroi Umoh is a storyteller, a satirist and creative writer. He blurs the line between reality and fiction and seeks to create a connection with the reader through engaging content. His works have been featured across various online and offline platforms. He hopes to one day travel around the world on a luxury yacht, sipping expensive wine and documenting all his experiences in a journal. You can send him a mail at infoleric@gmail.com.

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