do you want to eat before you eat?
Fiction, Humour, Short stories

Do you want to eat before you eat? Why young men should run away from beautiful women

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They had been Facebook friends for 4 years.
They chatted and interacted with each other daily.
There was a connection between them.
Chemistry.
Love was in the offing.
They lived in the same city.
One day, she invited him to her house for dinner.
He happily accepted the invitation.
A bachelor doesn’t let any opportunity of having a free meal pass by.
Her house was on the third floor of a weird structured storey building.
A two-bedroom flat, tastefully furnished.
They were gisting and laughing as soon as he got in.
She served him hobnobs biscuits and a bottle of soft drink as an appetizer.
The dinner pot was bubbling on fire in the kitchen.
The aroma wafted from the kitchen to the living room.
He salivated as he inhaled the aroma.
It would be a delicious meal.
That will strengthen the bond between them.
“Dinner is almost ready” She announced in her musical voice from the kitchen.
“I can’t wait!” he replied with a smile and lowered the volume of the Tv with the remote control.
“Do you want to eat before you eat?” She asked as she walked into the room.
He thought he didn’t hear her well.
“Err…what did you say?”
“Do you want to eat before you eat?” She inquired in a soft seductive tone, with a flirty smile on her face.
He couldn’t believe his luck.
The girl he has been fantasizing about for years was openly offering her self to him.
He gazed at her.
She stood facing him in a see-through gown.
He could see her firm body, her curves and her round breasts.
She suddenly removed her gown.
She was nude except for her bumshot.
His blood raced through his veins.
His wood was as hard as life in Nigeria.
The sexual dish was irresistible.
“Yes, please, I want to eat before I eat, I like this food!” He almost shouted.
He removed his shirt and pulled down his trousers.
He was left only with his boxers.
“Come and get me if you want me,” She said giggling and broke into a run.
He ran after her.
She opened the door and dashed into the corridor.
He chased after her, laughing.
Fun time.
She got to a door and hesitated.
He jumped at her.
She dodged and ran in.
The door led to another hallway.
Inside the hallway, she immediately flung a door open and stood beside it.
He ran into the room.
She suddenly shut the door.
He realized his error but it was too late.
The room was empty with no floor.
He found himself falling down at fast speed.
A free fall.
He landed with a thud.
In the midst of cows.
And herdsmen.
Fulani herdsmen.
The herdsmen were stunned to a man wearing only boxers crouching among their cows.
They immediately took him to be a cattle rustler.
On a mission to steal their cows and money.
They shouted and descended on him with long sticks.
Blows upon blows.
They beat him to stupor despite his protestations.
A group of passersby rescued him.
He managed to crawl away from the place.
He is now a sad but wise man.
A philosopher.
A lesson to all young men about the wiles of women.
Last week I was at a friend’s place for the first time.
For dinner.
She called sweetly from the kitchen, “Leroi darling, dinner is ready but do you want to eat before you eat?”
I stood up, grabbed my keys and phone, and fled the house!

Iniobong Leroi Umoh is a storyteller, a satirist and creative writer. He blurs the line between reality and fiction and seeks to create a connection with the reader through engaging content. His works have been featured across various online and offline platforms. He hopes to one day travel around the world on a luxury yacht, sipping expensive wine and documenting all his experiences in a journal. You can send him a mail at infoleric@gmail.com.

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