“What are the fruits of the spirit?” Sister Evelyn asked brother David as they chatted inside the fast-food joint.
He had been asking her out on a date for a while, telling her that God had revealed her to him as his wife in a dream.
“Fruits of the Spirit?” David inquired.
“Are they not Apple, Mango, Orange, Pawpaw, Guava, Banana, Watermelon?” David replied.
Evelyn raised her eyebrows in amazement.
“Are you a born again Christian?” She asked.
“Yes, I am!” David stated with a pious smile.
“Do you speak in tongues?” Evelyn probed.
Brother David sipped from the wine glass, “Yes, I am a firebrand tongue-speaking, demon casting and binding Christian!”
“If you have the Holy Spirit with the gift of speaking in tongues you will know what the fruits of the Holy Spirit are” Evelyn replied.
“But…but, is the fruit of the spirit not you being fruitful and having bountiful harvest when you plant fruits?” David asked with a confused look.
“Do you pray at all, brother David?” Evelyn leaned forward as she interrogated.
“Yes, I am very prayerful, I even do midnight prayers. I used to follow the Hallelujah challenge by Nathaniel Bassey” David informed.
“Then how come you don’t know what the fruits of the spirit are?”
“Maybe you can tell me and I won’t forget after today” David smiled.
“How many girls have you told them that God revealed them to you as your wife?”
“Really? Are you asking me this?” David frowned.
“Yeah, because I don’t think I am the first girl you have said this to”
David laughed, “You are the only one, my dear”
Evelyn shook he head, “Nope, I have heard about your exploits and activities with women in the church. You are one of the men I have been warned to be wary of”
“Who said that to you? Who is the fellow tarnishing my reputation in this town?” David exclaimed in feigned anger.
“You see, the major reason that I accepted to meet you here today is to ask you to mend your ways and stop deceiving our girls using God’s name.’
David sighed and shook his head, “This is the problem I have with you church girls! You are too judgmental and too rigid! You cannot even have some fun!”
Evelyn laughed out loud.
“You are too proud Evelyn! At this rate, you won’t see any man to marry you o”
“You need to have the fruits of the spirit, David!”
“What are these fruits of the Spirit?”
“Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness and Self-control, Galatians 5:22-23”
“I am done with this conversation,” David said.
“Me too!” Evelyn sprang to her feet, picked her purse and stomped away.